LEMONADE

 

We are witnessing a transformation, folks. When I speak to transformation in the context of Beyonce’s LEMONADE, am I speaking about the identity of Beyonce? Am I speaking about the state of music? Am I speaking about the power of womanhood? Am I speaking more specifically about black womanhood? Am I speaking about love? Heterosexual relationships? Am I speaking about the masses? Am I speaking about media marketing? Am I speaking about family? Civil rights? Am I speaking about religion? America? Am I speaking about art? Am I speaking about myself?

In a recent interview with E! Matthew Knowles (Beyonce’s father) states the following; “Let me tell you who she’s talking about, can I tell you who she’s talking about? She’s talking about you. You put that in context for you personally. She’s talking about you and everybody that is you, that’s who she’s talking about.”

The brilliance behind this visual masterpiece, is that every question I stated above, applies. Beyonce’s LEMONADE is a cultural atom bomb. It was MADE to withdraw your deepest symptoms. I can’t help but giggle watching the public go into a frenzy over Beyonce. The headlines exemplify our thirst for knowing, and needing. Entitlement; wreathing like vultures to devour the symbolism, to decode the messages.
“There must be a rational explanation for this.”
Remember that Beyonce has never put her personal life in the public eye, and she is not starting with LEMONADE. She is telling the story of millions of women, millions of African American women. She is using her platform to bring those histories to light. Isn’t it obvious?

It goes to show how far removed western society is to the concept of culture: arts, dance, poetry, music, and most importantly, storytelling. We are conditioned to consume, and in turn assume that art is a product to own and use, rather than an experience or feeling. What Beyonce has created with LEMONADE, is ART. Her duty as an artist, is to dramatize and augment her reality, and furthermore, ours. That is the point of the career she has cultivated over the years; she is here to create. I believe we are finally getting to see the Beyonce, one that has patiently waited beneath the surface, disciplined to the bigger picture. Years of hard work and chipping away, pop anthems and appearances have brought her to this point. She now has enough raw, grounded power to inject her truth within the world at large. She can now run free, every expansive idea, no limits, and no worries of who or what will support her choices.

Watch the video, listen to the questions that arise inside your head, try to answer them as if you know all the answers already, as if you were in the room when this project was made. If a sound or a scene makes you uncomfortable, if a word makes you smile… Greet them as your own experiences, for through this process you are relating or dissociating your truth. Remain conscious to what this really is; art.

 

 

H to the UM to the I-L-I-T-Y

Stubborn : Middle english (originally in the sense of ‘untamable, impacable’) and of unknown origin. Having or showing determination not to change ones views even in the presence of good argument or reason.

I have learned over my years, how to forge and remain confident in a path all my own. This is my advantage. Through this, I have also become righteous in my ideas of what is best. This is my fault. I am aware, and that is a step forward. Still, acting outside of my habit proves to be difficult. I am my closest friend and my own worse energy; the planter and pest.

What I love about Hip Hop culture is that anybody can catch you, and nobody is off limits. You don’t get ready, you stay ready. An experience in the circle today, can be equally as empowering as it was embarrassing the day before. Reasonable constructive feedback I receive from those I look up too stay stuck in my head, yet I feel resistant to the words. Sometimes, I am simply a rebel without a cause, a tiresome counter argument. There was plenty of this boisterous energy in my family dynamic when I was growing up. So, I have to ask myself; what I am perpetuating? What am I holding onto? How am I sabotaging my potential?

Today, I became student to a couple of talented, hard working humans who are about a decade younger than me. I teach, so I already posses a genuine fascination for the younger generation and what they can offer the world. I believe that curiosity is something that the older generations lack. In addition, I know my generation doesn’t listen nearly as much as we should. I question if it is anyone’s duty to listen? How do we decide? Is it our right as artists to create? Or do we earn it? Where do we decide what is worth studying, and what can be learned by experiencing?
Interact with young people and watch how they lead intuitively, they share because they want to share. They are not yet distracted by the rolling abyss of “what will I get out of this.”

A slice of humble pie that I have been hungry for.
Defeated (literally). Grateful. Motivated to be better.

“I can see you thinking”
It’s simple really.

Work harder. (hint; spend more time)

 

THE MIXER

The premise of “The Mixer” was to unite individuals from different crews in the dance scene. Mission accomplished, the pair offs did not disappoint! It was an evening of team work and talent. I appreciated that this event format created camaraderie between dancers who wouldn’t normally cross paths or collaborate artistically. It was especially exciting to see different styles represented together; breaking and popping, Krump and house etc.  A+ on this event.
I had a blast making a new friend by Milly aka Journey. I guess it was obvious we were enjoying the experience together as we received the chemistry award! All you can hope when joining forces with a stranger is to have a good time, and let me tell you the creative juices were flowing! We made it to the top 16 out of fifty-five teams, and that nod was the best take-away. The evening was a beautiful reminder that dance is a diverse world, an infinite process. I love you AZ.

 

UN-INTENTIONALLY GREEN

My cousin was visiting me from New York. We had plans to hike Camelback and then grab some lunch in the afternoon.
10:00 AM

I was really feeling the new Jennifer Hudson album. Something about her reinvented pop sound was pulling me in. The way I am with music that I like; I listen to an album or project on repeat until I’m bored. On January 2nd, 2015 I found a shocking reason to stop listening.

We pull up to the intersection of the Papago freeway and McDowell, red light. My eyes shift down to my phone to adjust the song selection, I click one of the catchiest songs from JHUD, “Dangerous.”

“I do it for the thrill, even if it kills… DANGEROUS, you make me feel DANGEROUS.”

My cousin and I laugh and sing as I set my phone down, grip both hands to the wheel, and accelerate softly at the indication of the green light.

WHACK
BOOM
CRACK
BASH
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEEEEeeeeEEEEEEEeeeeeP (cont.)

I am shaking fiercely. I am looking into the eyes of the passenger in the wreck across from me. I am fumbling for my seatbelt. I am looking at my cousin. I am asking if she is ok. I am pushing away the air bag. I am shoving open the door. I am breathing in smoke. I am running around the side of the car. I am pulling open the passenger side door. I am crying. I am cursing. I am looking for who was involved. I am processing. I am speaking with other victims. I am confused. I am calling my parents. I am hugging my cousin. I am speaking with strangers. I am waiting for help. I am waiting for help still. I am still waiting. I am taking pictures of the damage. I am worried. I am not speaking to others due to legal liability. I am angry. I am judging the man who ran the red light. I am defensive. I am scared. I am not understanding. I am drawing blanks. I am talking with police. I am glad everybody is ok. I am waiting for my friend to pick us up.

I am pedestrian.

You can have all your ducks in a row in this life, but there will always be one out-of-balance individual slinking around somewhere that could change everything you know to be true.

I had no idea that I was going to be living a green lifestyle for over a year now; reducing my carbon footprint by walking, biking, taking the train, and taking the bus. I had no idea that losing my vehicle would make me far more tolerant of humanity, that it would make me friendlier, more caring, more resilient, and more resourceful in my surroundings. I had no idea this experience would force me to confront my anxiety issues, and embrace patience as a healing agent in my life. I had to learn to ask for help, I hadn’t realized how much my friends did for me or what they were willing to do for me. I didn’t expect that my drawn out commutes would reintroduce me to my strong passions for writing, reading, philosophizing, and digging for music. My concept of time, gratitude, empathy; forever evolved. Places I had once feared became my comfort zones. I never thought I would have so many stories to tell; that in such minimal distances I could travel so far. I learned to travel through people, our local culture. I met my city by foot, I spoke to my city by bike. All the sweat and tears and time and ridiculous encounters have been worth every lesson I have learned in this experience. And perhaps I could have saved for another car, but I chose not too… Because how trivial it would be for me to spend the purse I hoped to cultivate on a possession I proved to myself that I no longer needed. I frequently think of my friends in Brazil, how the idea of owning their own car someday was mind blowing; a foreign concept. I realized how privilege disrupts our potential.

What’s next universe?

BREAKING (PREVIOUS NOTIONS)

I am a dancer. I am a dancer with a curiosity stronger than reason. I am a dancer who intentionally transforms; I dress myself with costumes and stereotypes and generalizations, in an effort to call attention to them, to flip, destroy, recreate, understand, reflect on, and analyze who I am with whom I am. I am a stubborn human being, because I cannot stray from what burns in my heart.

If when I dance, my smile suggests to you that I do not take this seriously, consider strategy; that the mask of a straight face is far more acceptable than an honest smile.
Perhaps you feel that a smile is disrespect. Consider how often you wish a woman would just smile, and then consider all the times when she does and you realize you would rather that she didn’t.
If when I dance, my smile suggests that I am making a joke of you, consider I may be unbearably inspired by watching your craft. Consider the reality that I am honored to have any opportunity to exchange my process with yours.
If when I dance, my smile suggests to you that I am over confident, consider compensation; I am new, I am self conscious, I am nervous, I am most likely making a fool of myself. I had to coach my thoughts all day to be here in this circle, and the only way to cope with the idea of imminent failure is to enjoy the moment.
If when I dance, my lack of execution suggests to you that I do not study our language; consider the fact that I have a history in my body that you have yet to know. My intention will always be to acknowledge yours.

Tell her to have fun… but not that kind of fun.

Tell her to be free… but not that kind of free.

Tell her to say it… just not like that.

Tell her to embrace femininity, counter assumptions, confront the shame..
Then keep your head down when she does.

I speak as a woman because I am a woman. If I attempted to speak the perspective of a man, I would fail to communicate it properly. I do not wake up with male genitals in the morning. We are undeniably different, and that’s okay. There is human under all of this, but we need to acknowledge each other to find it. I am not interested in mimicking what is not mine, solely because it has always been done that way.

For this, am I contemptuous?
There’s a dance somewhere in the echo of contradictions.
Exploring the matrix…

THE SACRIFICE

A gargantuan congratulations to my close friend and mentor We:Whum Fulwilder a.k.a TOMAHAWK BANG. Today, we witness THWKBNG’S first release on a MAJOR record label; Atjazz Record Company! “The Sacrifice” is a beautiful representation of the influential sounds that have raised many of us blooming dancers in the AZ house scene.PLEASE support this artist by PURCHASING the release on TRAXSOURCE or get your ears familiar with the project on Soundcloud link below!

https://soundcloud.com/atjazz/sets/tomahawk-bang-the-sacrifice

We can do it together

Aren’t we all on some sort of twisted, beautiful, meaningless, yet infinitely meaningful inner journey? You are a two legged walking pocket sized version of the universe. One day (if the universe even considers a “day” a thing, probably doesn’t), there was an explosion that made even more explosions and then when the dust settled there was a little planet we know as “Earth” floating in circles around a bright little fireball we know as “Sun.” There was also a small little light up rock that happened to be floating in circles around “Earth,” a lovely object we would call “Moon.” And somewhere in all of this we started existing… I believe in aliens but I’m going to stop right there for today’s super legit history lesson.
Clearly I’m not a scientist, but I don’t need to be one to understand that we are some kind of miraculous fact. Look at us, breathing and liking each other’s pictures on instagram. I know very well how lonely this world can be. It’s not because there is a lack of good people to talk too, no that’s not it. I believe it is the knowing that there is only ONE experience on this crazy planet in which each one of us can truly relate; our own. Liberation! To possess your own magical mystery; a completely unique experience as a human being. Terror! To know that a life which meets your needs is completely your responsibility.
But wait, while every experience varies (no one experience will ever be the same as another), we do have a fancy little connection; emotion. Human emotion, more commonly known today as “the feels.” Emotion is what we can relate. This is what I understand to be Empathy.
When we attempt to relate experiences, there is a disconnect. Have you noticed? It’s like when you tell a somebody you had a bad day, and then they start blabbing on about how horrible THEIR day was. In their mind, they are relating to you… In your mind, you never had the opportunity to express yourself. You’ve been hijacked! This happens often. We’ve all be the perpetrator as well. Imagine if that somebody listened, and then you listened to that somebody, and once having exchanged stories you could then relate on that aching pit inside your stomach. A different experience, no? It works for happy stories too!

I don’t have any answers, and perhaps answers don’t exist in this conversation anyway. I am certainly trying to find peace, peace through understanding. If you’re looking for similar things, you’re not alone.. We can do this together? Different experiences, similar goals… Feel me? Brilliant.