25 Excerpts from 24

Day-to-day journal entries from a 24 year old, randomly selected and in no particular order.

25. July 20th, 2016
“At the end of the day I am blessed. I have a roof over my head, a job, a will to be better. I know things will become clear.”

24. January 8th, 2017
“He told me, his words, I love to root for you. You have to go for it.”

23. July 2nd, 2017
“One full year, one full year of things. I can’t believe it’s been a year. I am relieved it hasn’t been more yet.”

22. July 21st, 2016
“Love is literally one of the reasons we exist, don’t feel guilty for wanting to find it.”

21. October 6th, 2017
“Just got a book about the octopus, very interesting stuff. I’ve never really put much thought to the octopus, but this book is changing my perspective so far, wow another streamline of almost alien like consciousness by means of the ocean. Seems very relevant to my ocean adventures and obsession with water these days. Did I mention how I danced on the beach the other day?”

20. October 12th, 2017
“Today’s a good day, because things are looking up.
Take one last glance at who you used to be.
Add a little lemon to your water
Watch those dollar signs and what they offer
Don’t get ready, stay ready
Don’t dip your toes
Take the jump
Take your dreams to the alter
Forgive yourself if you falter
You’re doing a lot more than you’ve done before
Every day a new face, new cells to change the score
Your hours are a boat in which you sail to new horizons
Take your time to navigate.”

19. May 24th, 2017
“I’m beautiful I’m capable
This is everything I’ve waited for…
Opportunity comes knocking don’t just wait around to soften, no
Get it, you better get at it.
Get to it, nobody’s gonna do it for you, no.”

18. November 26th, 2017
“Being an adult is not magical.”

17. June 23rd, 2017
“The stars are on vacation, here’s some lanterns for your wishes.”

16. January 12th, 2017
“’What’s wrong?? Come here,’ he held me and rested his hand on my back clearly intrigued and worried about what was happening. It was very hard to speak but I managed to say “I’m having a surge of anxiety” to which he responded “ohh” and did what was necessary to help. The most memorable moment, something I will always cherish and remember; “how many kisses?” I smiled, “22.'”

15. April 19th, 2017
“A post academic fervor consumes me.
Why must everyone have an opinion of success?
For those who are beautiful; they won’t let you walk without deciding a future for you.
A model, with your look you could be a model
Like, Why are you here?
An actress, why aren’t you an actress..
Maybe I should be an actress.
Or just act out.”

14. May 9th, 2017
“This bagel is everything.”

13. January 2nd, 2017
“A pairing that I never expected. Our connection happened so smoothly I barely noticed time passed. A sweet man, with a sense of humor for miles. We went from dancing together, to talking together, to watching movies, to holding hands. We talked of alien descent, mirrored dimensions across common paths.”

12. May 17th, 2017
“Today for tomorrow.”

11. August 9th, 2017
“Being away from what’s familiar has given me a lot of freedom. There we’re lines I drew in the sand for myself that I couldn’t cross. Now, literally and figuratively, the oceans are washing me clean, washing those lines away into the tide. I am reinventing what it means to be me and it feels amazing. This is not only the age of starvation, this is the age of regeneration, the age of the ocean.”

10. February 20th, 2017
“It was the feeling that lead to the move
The move that lead to the job
The job that lead to the benefits
The benefits that lead to the doctor
The doctor that lead to the medicines
The medicines that lead to the honesty
The honesty that lead to the man
The man that lead to the music
The music that lead to the connections
The connections that lead to the success
The success that lead to the man
The man that lead to the smile
The smile that is my happiness.”

9. November 9th, 2017.
“Donald Trump is our president. I gaze at the mail-in ballot I was too lazy to mail in on time. I didn’t realize about the post mark. The fact of the matter is, while the popular vote was an overwhelming ride for Hilary, the electoral collage, the white underbelly of America, made Trump the new leader of the “free” world.”

8. March 16th, 2017
“For now, you are a seed, one who people hope blossoms to it’s full potential. Not all seeds blossom. Remember that. It is the seed that fights who will turn into the flower. If you should chose not to fight darling, although that choice remains your right, you must also consider it your fault, your failure.”

7. November 1st, 2017
“What is with this weather.”

6. December 22nd, 2017
“That pink, the pink of the sun. Sorbet. Sorbet in a cup in my hand. Hands, hands that hold the monkey bars and scar from silly burns. Burns, from pots and pans and feeling hurt. Hurt, some memories they hurt but pictures show you’re good. Good, like your parents said after you passed your tests. Test, how the world requests your best. Best, how am I doing my best? Oh…
Everything changes from here
Fear is in the silhouettes of trees that lost their leaves to winters rath
Everything changes from here
If dark is falling early not to worry you’re already on your path
Everything changes from here
Share your love and soon the snow will make you smile and laugh
Everything changes from here
It’s within you but you can never go back
You can’t ever go back
Time won’t let you go back
Live here
Live now
You know how….”

5. March 9th, 2017
“It glowed red, the smoke curls danced and I started crying tears of joy. He didn’t see.. but I was so happy in that moment. Sometimes when we have those kinds of talks it’s like our spirits kind of leave our bodies and go walking together, through countless subjects and questions. I don’t know where the hours go.”

4. September 6th, 2017
“The only thing that makes me feel like I belong is moving to percussion of a crowded room past midnight, stopping to snap pictures of the moonlight, fantasizing all about the future I would make right, tapping shoes across a floor for hours at a time, then sitting by myself and drinking coffee till I feel right, writing down emotions and maybe singing songs, writing down these words to figure out where I belong.”

3. July 29th, 2016
“Dad says the men are the pitchers and the women are the catchers. What happens when the women want to know what it feels like to stand on the mound and the men have tired arms from throwing the ball? What do we do?
In other news, Hillary Clinton is the first woman nominated to become president.”

2. February 27th, 2017.
“TAKE TIME TO BE PLEASED.”

1. July 18th, 2017
“Do you hear your hopes and dreams? They move in from the quiet sea. The sand is fine, divine on your feet. You share a kiss as your hands meet. The salty air gets in your hair. Today you are real again. A woman who feels again.”

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-Evar After

A Prologue

Sometimes you feel close
Like the rugged clay beneath my feet
I’ve lived so many lives
And now I’m here
What do they mean to me
A wind escaped my wings
I’m pressed to fly
But flying weather’s wrong
I cannot tell the north or south
The east or west
The evening song
The lullaby, the lullaby
Out here singing lulla-lie’s
Lullaby’s and dreams
Have got me nowhere, it seems

That wind escaped my wings
I’m pressed to fly
But flying weather’s wrong
I need to find the morning song
I’m here to find the morning song..

Evar After

Obsessive Urgency

It’s a stretch of imagination
To be content
In a world which rotates around me
Small, curious me
With no explanation
Rotation
Looking for silence they say
“Do you think the earth revolves around you?”
I’m sorry, but
Do you not find yourself in space?
Every day?
Trading shoes with the sun?
To watch the dot
Chase it’s tail
Empathize with the moon?
Who’s hypnotized in seeing every last side
What humans call life
Time and time again…
Don’t you go crazy?
Wondering
Why?

Crew

Crew1

[kro͞o]

NOUN
  1. a group of people who work on and operate a ship, boat, aircraft, spacecraft, or train.

Ok, so my crew might not be operating heavy machinery but we ARE going places. Whether it be trusting the promise across the sea, spreading our wings to explore the sky, leveling up to get to space, or laying our tracks towards the next great frontier..
Crew; A group of people (in this case, women) who work closely together. And regardless of the distance between us, the accomplishments and the fascinating nuances of pursing passion are always felt. These women inspire me every day, and I am honored to call them my family, my friends, my teachers.

 

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Isn’t it Ironic?

*Alanis Morissette voice*
That my last post was about returning to Instagram? I guess it took a little more of my attention than I anticipated! Juggling social media platforms is exhausting, and I’m not quite sure it comes naturally to me. Oh well, back from hiatus and there’s a lot of things to talk about. I consider you, reader, a childhood friend whom I could go months without speaking too like it hadn’t even been a day.

Instaban

I understand the benefits, yet I cringe at the amount of time I waste doing the same thumb exercise over and over again. I decided two months ago that I would give myself a break from social media in order to focus on the projects that truly needed my attention; this blog for example, moving across the country, or I don’t know, achieving my goals in the real world or whatever.
I am satisfied with my leave from Facebook, especially with all of the unrest in the world lately, and especially with it being election season. I am so happy to open my news app every day and read articles without the terrifying white noise of other people’s opinions. I haven’t felt one hint of longing to return to the iconic networking platform. The best part is that I can keep my messenger without needing to reactivate my profile. I don’t foresee my return to Facebook unless it is to share fully developed work, or to further business.
Instagram however, I have really missed. I suppose I left one foot in the door because I never deleted or deactivated my profile (don’t deactivate Instagram, they repost all of your activity as if it happened at the moment when you logged back in, which means your friends get every like you’ve ever left a second time around. Mortifying if you try to work under the radar like me). I loved to look at the postings of my friends and favorite profiles. Instagram was the perfect way to stay in touch, but not too much touch… Middle school dance distance. I was fine being that creep who likes everyone’s pictures but doesn’t post any of her own, until today, when I got to meet up with some incredible friends of mine. They make a living on their motorbike, traveling the world. The only way their work gained momentum was through the consistent documentation of their travels through social media. My friends reminded me how the internet can be used to gain support, exchange energy, and propel dreams forward.
So this evening, I lifted my Instaban. *cue celebratory music*
Visit me @itsevarafter

Ground Zero

It’s been a while since I fought so hard to hold back tears. The museum was heavily crowded, children kept close to their mothers and couples shuffled along in disbelief. Following a short film of personal testimonies from political figures, we were ushered from the theater and into the belly of the World Trade remembrance.

The beginning of the walk was digestible, but erie as hell. Here we all were, standing on ground zero. The floors leading to fallen relics of the World Trade buildings were smooth like that of sculpted ice. We marveled at the tortuted and twisted pieces of steel, weathered by fire and a fall from hundreds of feet.

My experience took a turn as we approached a mangled fire truck. One half was in tact, while the other rest in shambles. “There were eleven firefighters that rode here on this truck, all of them were killed.” I got this sensation inside me that things weren’t right, listening to a man retell tragedy. A lump grew in my throat. “Continue on to the walk through, it takes forty-five minutes but I can assure you it’ll be the highlight of your visit.”

The highlight? Perhaps he shouldn’t have used that word.

The central organ of the World Trade museum was the chronological walk through. I didn’t think I would make it to the end. Overstimulated doesn’t even begin to cover it. Everywhere, the truth of 9/11; The sadness, the death, the desperation. Sirens, photographs, voicemails of passengers. Tears rolled down my face as I turned the corner and saw people preparing to jump. It was all too much, and I had to ask myself if this type of display was ethical.

I completed the walk through. I think it is important to have an experience like that available to the public, it can be too easy to forget what happened. Fear mongering? Conspiracy? Or an honest offering of an event that changed the course of history in America, and the world?

I left the museum feeling imprinted, enlightened to the events of that day. Now I can begin to draw my own conclusions. For that fact, it is well worth the visit.